| Haiku Movie Reviews | By Ginohn |
Movies reviewed in 2000
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| DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR? :(
Uses amnesia as a plot device to hide the plot defects, dude. |
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| WHAT WOMEN WANT :|
Finally we see what women want -- a nice, long Nike commercial. |
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| THE YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY %}
It was dangerous, to be sure. But it only lasted a few weeks. |
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| BEST IN SHOW :)
The Second City crew can make a good movie out of anything. |
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| THE 6TH DAY :|
Big mistake cloning Swartzenegger - he can't act. Two are worse than one. |
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| UNBREAKABLE :) Missing link between Die Hard and The Sixth Sense. Still, it's original. |
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| AMERICAN MOVIE :)
A story that is insanely terrifying, whether real or faked. |
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| ZELIG %} This film has inspired many to copy its style. Which is kind of weird. |
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| BILLY ELLIOT :)
Hmmm - ballet dancer or death from black lung disease? That is a tough choice. |
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| CHARLIE'S ANGELS :)
A dark comedy about three women brainwashed by a rich madman. |
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| PAY IT FORWARD :|
Like most pyramid schemes, this one looks promising but fails to pay off. |
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| BEDAZZLED (2000) :| If you can't improve on a classic, sell your soul for special effects. |
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| BEDAZZLED (1967) %} Raquel Welsh is Lust, The Devil's a bored con man; God's a jerk. Great film! |
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| THE EXORCIST %}
Her bed's still shaking, and she's cussing up a storm. -- Too much Ritalin? |
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| OCTOBER SKY :)
Hmmm - rocket science or death from black lung disease? That is a tough choice. |
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| OFFICE SPACE :)
The plot's a bit bland but matching the characters to real life is fun. |
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| HIGH FIDELITY :)
wins a spot among the top 5 most cynical movies of all time. |
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| ALMOST FAMOUS %}
Mom, why didn't you let me tour with a rock band when I was fifteen? |
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| SAVING GRACE :)
Amerika won't film taboos, but we're in luck: Britains speak English! |
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| FAST, CHEAP, & OUT OF CONTROL :) Find out what robots, mole rats, shrubs and tortured lions all have in common! |
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| SPACE COWBOYS :|
They have another meaning for "hard sci fi", but need more Viagra. |
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| EXISTENZ :) The actors' talents span the spectrum. This happens to work with the theme. |
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| THE CELL :)
Silence of the Lambs on a real bad acid trip. Not for the squeamish. |
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| HAPPY TEXAS :| Two convicts escape to a small town and decide to stay there. Yeah, yeah. |
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| LOLITA :|
(1998) Identify with anyone in this movie? Stay away from me. |
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| CHICKEN RUN :| Claymation artists fail to escape Hollywood's big formula farm. |
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| X-MEN :) True to the comic's morality, theme, and hairstyles -- this film didn't suck! |
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| THE LAND BEFORE TIME :|
We dinosaurs must stick together to survive, and then go extinct. |
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| RETURN TO ME :|
A ten minute plot, stretched out by having no one talk to each other. |
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| THE WIZARD OF OZ %}
A witch named Glenda tricks a girl into killing Glenda's two sisters. |
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| BOTTLE ROCKET :) The movie that dares answer the question: "Why do nerds make bad gangsters?" |
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| ME, MYSELF, AND IRENE :)
Stupid, disgusting, excretory comedy -- that's why we liked it. |
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| MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 2 :(
Is there some reason scenes were plagiarized from Last of the Mohicans? |
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| SHANGHAI NOON :)
A Lo-mein Western! Kudos to the vulture scene and the barfight, too. |
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| SCARAMOUCHE :) Is six and a half minutes too long for a duel? Not for Scaramouche! |
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| BATTLEFIELD EARTH :(
Cave men fight against aliens from the band Kiss. It's a cult's classic! |
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| RUN LOLA RUN :)
This is not a film. It is a video game without a joystick. |
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| ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER :)
A bittersweet tale of persistent struggle through loss and suffering. |
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| THREE TO TANGO :|
Don't let the title and previews fool you -- there are no threesomes, sorry. |
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| FIGHT CLUB %} Romanticizing fist fights is, of course, insane. And contagious, too. |
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| FREQUENCY :) Changes in the past wait thirty years to take effect. Typical. |
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| KEEPING THE FAITH :)
Brian Kilkenny Finn got drunk entirely too fast for an Irishman. |
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| BOYS DON'T CRY %}
Lana should've told Brandon that she had a mole near her left nipple. |
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| MISSION TO MARS :(
What this movie needs is that monkey from Lost in Space , or Jar Jar Binks. |
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| MIMIC :(
Tries to mimic films about Aliens, but drowns in fire and stage goo. |
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| REAR WINDOW %} It's like having James Stewart sitting beside you in a mystery. |
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| SLIDING DOORS :)
[somehow] it's easy to believe [this is how] life is [it splits] like this |
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| THE PEST :|
John Leguizamo puts on quite a show, but not much of a movie. |
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| MY DINNER WITH ANDRE :) Conversational koyaanisquatsi about minds out of balance. |
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| THE WHOLE NINE YARDS :| Terrible accents -- just bad acting, or are we missing some deep theme? |
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| SEVEN CHANCES :)
See Buster Keaton chased by a mob of women and very large rocks! |
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| THE VELOCITY OF GARY :( Best watched at prescribed speeds of fast forward with an occasional pause. |
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| TOPSY-TURVY :)
I am the very majorly anecdotal modern musical. |
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| THE THIRTEENTH WARRIOR :) Typical Crichton - good guys outnumbered by beasts. Beats Congo, for sure. |
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| THE GREEN MILE :)
High discomfort may be occasionally eased with karmic relief. |
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| LULU ON THE BRIDGE :) What a weird story. They were just making it up as they went along. |
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| THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY %} Ripley imitates those around him while the film imitates Hitchcock. |
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| MEET JOE BLACK :)
A two hour film stretched out to three to fit in all the emotion. |
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| DROP DEAD GORGEOUS :| As totally fake documentaries go, this one's faker than most. |
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| MAN ON THE
MOON :) OK... so, this is a good film... I like it, OK? ...Denk you veddy much. |